Ashes to Ashes

Mortal Reminders
[Hold up gold tube] Anyone know what this is? This is a burial record holder. Long ago, when a funeral took a casket to the cemetery, this was a part of the luggage. It went with the casket, and inside was the information about the person, casket, and plot.

It was given to me by a funeral director as a gift because he saw that I was always looking for dirt. You see I put dirt in here to take to graveside services, so when you die and I do your funeral, I will take dirt from this receptacle, pour it over your casket and say, “We commit this body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”

Ash Wednesday is an odd day. Christians around the world take a moment to stop and remember: “I am going to die. My days are numbered.” You and I came from the earth, and to the earth we will go. It’s pretty sobering.

I will never forget the first time I put ashes on someone’s forehead, someone I knew, someone I sat with as their spouse had surgery, someone who prayed for me before every Sunday worship service, I’ll never forget thinking as I made the Ash Cross: God, I’m telling this person they’re going to die!

Fast forward a couple of years, and my wife came forward with our son. It truly was all I could do to smear ashes on my boy’s head and get those ancient words out, “Remember, from dust you came, to dust you shall return. Repent and believe the Gospel.”

So why do we do this?


Numbered Days
We do this because our days are numbered. We have approximately 26,000 days to live. It sounds like a huge number, but when you consider that at only 33, I’ve lived 12, 174 of those days, nearly half, it doesn’t look like so many...and when one of those days is over, it’s gone...There’s no getting it back.

We have so many ways to dull that reality: TV, make-up, cosmetic surgery, games, sports, beer, drugs, relationships, even religion.

But the reality is: Our days are numbered. When Jesus came he invited us to live the abundant life, and living the abundant life means living intentionally, deliberately, thoughtfully, faithfully.

This day we make the sign of the cross in ashes to symbolize our mortality and frailties. The dust and ashes are a sign to us that we will someday die. They are a reminder to us to live each day to its fullest. What is important? What do we want to live for? What do we believe? What do we want to accomplish? What legacy do we want to leave? The dust and ashes bring these to mind...

But we the ashes also remind us of our sins, our failures, our shames, our regrets, our pains, and our sorrows. In the ancient world covering oneself with ashes was a sign of sorrow, humility, and repentence. A loaded word, repentence, means nothing more than “Turning around.”

And so the ashes are made in a cross, the symbol of the God who lived, and breathed, and died with us. The symbol of the empty tomb, and the symbol of Christ’s victory over sin, death, and the grave.

In amazing irony, the ashes reflect God’s exchanging death for life, sin for forgiveness, regrets for joy. This sign is a sign of hope to those who believe in God through Christ Jesus. It is the sign of new life...not just in eternity, but right now.


Living Signs
So we hear the words of Isaiah tonight, admonishing us not to just play at the religious game, but to go out and life the crucified life.

For the next 40 days, we are to take a special time to reflect and hear God’s calling in our lives.

This Lenten season, God invites us all to a fast of addition. A fast of righteousness. The Isaiah 58 fast: This Lent I encourage you not to just subtract or fast from something, but to add something to your life.

Call it a fast, call it reflection time. In our church we’ll be calling it 40 for 40, reflecting 40 minutes for 40 days You can call it whatever you want. but I invite you to give to others by sacrificing our most precious possession: Time.

Take some time to give. Take some time to love. Take some time to feed the hungry, clothe the destitute, heal the sick, free the oppressed.

And when we do that, we will have no need for ashes. No need for sackclothe, no need for public humiliation. For then our light will rise in the darkness, and our night will become like noonday. And we will be known as Children of God. We ourselves will be living crosses of earth and ash, living signs of the hope and the forgiveness, and the love of God.

Transfiguration Sunday

I love Transfiguration Sunday...

It has so many meanings....

Jesus on the Mountain Top with Moses and Elijah, a clear connection with the OT that Jesus is the Messiah.

Jesus' Transfiguration, a symbol of the glory to come.

Peter's fully human desire to capture the moment, enshrine it and focus on the place and not the Who.

The foreshadowing of the Resurrection to come, a glimpse of glory before the darkest days ahead. A glimmer of hope in the night of Jesus' ministry. Like a cancer victim receiving news the cancer is in remission. Or that the storms are over. Or the report card with a C+ instead of an F. And those times when we feel the real presence of God working in our hearts in worship and prayer.

Moments that can change our day, week, even life. Little Resurrections of hope barging into ordinary life and changing it forever.

Best Thing I've Read from the Middle East Since the Bible!

Since the invasion of Iraq, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of attacks on Christians living in Middle East nations. From Iran to Iraq to Palestine to Egypt, the Christian minorities have been threatened, beaten, bombed, and killed. Churches have become hostage sites while worship services have been rocked by suicide bombers.

Arab Christians have begun fleeing their homes and staying away from worship gatherings, fearful for their lives.

The one thing that would easily solve this problem from exploding hadn't been happening, but now it has...Muslims are stepping up, speaking out, and standing beside their cousins in faith.

This news story articulates the recent turmoils in Egypt and how Muslim intellectuals and activists are calling for Muslims to support the Coptic Christians in Egypt. By going to church with them, Muslims are becoming "human shields."

How amazing. How Christ-like! And I say that with total admiration for my cousins in faith. God bless you! May our LORD, the God of Abraham, Ishmael, and Isaac bless you and keep you. May the God of our Fathers and Mothers protect you and our Coptic brothers and sisters.

Insha'Allah, we can have peace. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Cheaters Do Win!

One of the lessons I'm going to have to teach my son and daughter is that cheaters do win. Contrary to what Daddy and Mommy have taught them their short lives, the NCAA is proving time and time again that it DOES pay to cheat (pun intended)!

Last night a player whose family asked for $200,000+ to play for two different schools was lauded as a hero for winning the BCS National Championship Game. In case you haven't heard, his father asked for money for Cam to go to different SEC schools. The schools turned this in, and the NCAA, ever so moral and righteous, deemed that Cam nor Auburn can't be held responsible for his father's indiscretions. The cheater wins.

This year O$U players were actually caught receiving special perks for being players and for selling Big Ten Championship rings. They were suspended for 5 games next year...BUT, they were allowed to play in the Bowl game this year. Again, the cheater wins.

John Calipari, the cheatingest coach in all of sports, has been the head man at two different universities that were given sanctions for improper recruiting violations and recruits having someone else take their SAT. Yet, the NCAA has cleared him every time. Yet, here he is the lauded Coach Calipari, at head of the (formerly) prestigious Kentucky basketball program. This cheater really knows how to win!

Here's to the cheaters! Yours is the victory and the glory and the wins! Cheers to the NCAA for being a leading force in the change of antiquated ethics...pshhh...who needs integrity...It doesn't give you trophies or $$$.

More Than We Can Handle

1 Corinthians 10:13 is often misquoted/misused...I've heard it (and probably said it this way myself) "God won't give you more than you can handle." And, while this is true in a sense, it is often pulled out of its context to mean something like "God will not allow stuff to happen in your life that you cannot effectively overcome." This is false.

John Ortberg pointed this out in It All Goes Back in the Box, as he correctly writes,

People twist that statement into saying that God will never give us
more than we can handle. Really? Look around the world:
holocaust, death, martyrdom, cancer, war. Whether it's a special
assignment or just living in a fallen world, people all the time are given
burdens they cannot handle...Paul's point is that we can never worm out of
responsibility for sin by saying it's God's fault.

I'm glad I ran across this. It challenged a reading that I had blindly accepted. I knew people had more than they could handle. I've read that verse and said to myself, "There are things, I'm not sure I could handle." To be honest, I felt a sense of pressure when reading this. Nothing can break me? Really? No...that's just religious platitude.

God gives us an out when it comes to temptation, but there are circumstances in life that will beat people down, sometimes even take their life...literally and/or figuratively.

That is why it is so important for the Church to be involved and missional in its endeavors to the community and world in which it exists. There are evils and oppressions out there that are taking people's lives slowly and painfully. And it's more than any of us could handle...alone.

This is why I believe in the Church: I have seen, felt, and participated in Her Salvific mission given by Christ to redeem the world. The message of God's love and mercy are so vital to give hope, and the active love of the body of Christ through mercy and caring ministries demonstrates what salvation is really all about: wholeness.

Silent Night

I'm a huge fan of Six Pence None the Richer. It seems they get what Christian music should be about, which is probably why they have had a rocky relationship with the industry. The following video is their rendetion of Silent Night. It is amazing. I love the angel smiling at 2:46. It made my day, and I hope it makes yours.

Btw, we're singing Silent Night to this to close out worship on Sunday...come join us if you can!

Peace on Earth

One of U2's great songs (aren't they all!?!) is Peace on Earth.

It asks the obvious question: How can we read and sing "Peace on Earth" when so much of our news, our politics, and our lives are full of anything but peace?

If the Christ Child came to bring peace or to announce peace, where is it? Did God fail to deliver? Is God lying? Is God even there?

Something that I have learned is that the greatest gifts I've received are the gifts that I must do. For example, the greatest gift I received from my parents is how to love and be loved. This love is not something that is just given me...it fails to be what they taught if I only receive. The love they taught is a love that gives. What they gave me was giving. What they gave me was a giving of myself. The gift they gave was a gift I give.

I think the gift of the Christ Child is peace and goodwill; however, that peace isn't something that magically appears. It's not something that just happens.

The Peace of the Christ Child only happens when the birth of Jesus happens in our hearts and lives...when WE become peace and goodwill...when our lives and our selves offer peace.

Where is peace? It comes from the heart that receives the Christ Child. Do we want peace? We must live it! Do we want goodwill to all? Then we must live it!

"Heaven on earth...we need it now..."

May God be with the fathers and mothers who weep this Christmas for the sons and daughters lost to our insane violence. Amen.

Conflict

I'm always stunned at the wide variety of ways that people deal with conflict. I suppose I shouldn't be. People are different. There are lots of ways for people to be different. We speak different languages, live in different areas, have different cultures, have different families, and our genes even differ.

Here's my take on some different approaches to conflict that I've seen:

• The Labrador - They just want to be friends, and as long as you feed and pet them, it'll be O.K. with them. Bad thing is...dogs smell.
• The Turtle - They hide from conflict. Hoping that in time the conflict will go away, they hide, retreat, run away. Did you know that turtle soup is tasty...mmmmmm.
• The Lion - They roar. They fight. They don't back down. Kings of the Jungle, they'll take on the world just to prove they're in charge. Interesting factoid: Lions don't live in jungles and the males don't hunt.
• The Bulldog - To your face they get along....but leave the room, and they've jumped on the coach again. Don't trust a bulldog, yet, the irony is that they are amazingly loyal to their pack.
• Frog - Oblivious to conflicts heating up, they get boiled in hot water. Contrary to rumors, frog meat is NOT good. It tastes like rubbery chicken dipped in fish oil.
• Tazmanian Devil - They yell...lots...But, they're pretty harmless. Lots of bark and no bite.
• The Homo Sapien - Conflict? [gun shot] What conflict? Homo Sapiens destroy everything in their path without regard to consequences.
• The Human - Has the ability to speak. No really, humans can speak, talk through conflict, and find ways for everyone to have some gain. Again, speaking is the difference between humans and other homonids and animals.

One of my favorite parts of the book series Dune is when Paul Atreides is tested...to see if he's human...or just another animal.

Perhaps, it's a question we shouldn't take for granted...Most conflict is handled poorly.

I'm Hungry

I'm hungry. No, REALLY hungry. I've begun eating breakfast every morning, and now if I don't get it, which I didn't this morning, I'm starving.

Of course, when I read a blog post like this, it's all put into perspective.

I don't know hungry. I don't know thirsty. I don't know not having.

So when you hear me complaining, you can say, "Mark, you just don't know." (to which I'll probably reply, "You don't either, you jerk!", but that's a different Markan spiritual issue we'll deal with later).

God, may the only hunger and thirst your children ever have is for you.


PS - Thanks, Kara, for the blog post. I needed it today. You're the best!

The Church & U2: She Moves In Mysterious Ways

Sermon Snip-It:

"The Spirit moves in mysterious ways that we can't always predict or understand, but we can rest assured that the Spirit of Power is at work and moving in our lives...."

Sermon Snip-It

From this Sunday there are some words I would like to share from my sermon...

Scripture Reading: Acts 1:1-11 (The Ascension of Christ)
Sermon: "Why Are You Standing Around?"

We aren't to be looking upward...We're to be looking forward. To be looking at the world around us, at the mission God has given us!

We have not been called to be followers of Jesus in order to stand around, sing songs, put on fancy clothes, or even to be nice. No, we have been bought with a price, redeemed, and called into the mission of God, bringing new life through Christ to all the world around us: Yes, in these walls, but also in our homes, at work, in our neighborhoods, at school, with our friends, with our family.

The Ascension reminds us that Jesus isn't here: BUT WE ARE!!! WE ARE!!!

Brothers and Sisters, we are called to be Jesus to a hurting a broken world. We are called to love with our words, our actions, and all that we have. The Body of Christ was not meant to stand around. It was meant to get busy.

Here we are. Here we remain. And, here, we are are called. Amen.

Confirmation

We just finished confirmation classes. There were three girls who survived the classes, and they did a great job. While it's about learning, it's also about relationship building...that they would feel included and accepted as practicing members of their church. I loved it because it's the only confirmation class I've led where students invited their friends to come. Fun!

So, on Sunday, the ladies reaffirmed their baptism, took their confirmation vows, and I awarded them some "presents" to remind them of who they are in Christ.

Princess Tiaras for the daughters of the King.

Scepters and Rings symbolizing that all authority has been given to Christ, and as his ambassadors and followers, we too have authority. But with great authority comes great responsibility. Everywhere...at church, home, school, work, etc.

Fruity candies to encourage them to bear much fruit.

Symphony Chocolate bars to remind them that last week we talked about God giving us a lifesong...but as members of THE Church, our life fits into something better than ourselves!

It was fun, and I hope it was a day that they won't forget for in ceremony is a truth: We all must accept Christ as Lord, renounce this world, and seek to live in love with God and neighbor. Today, publicly, they said this is what they wanted.

Ladies, may God grant you the courage, strength, and grace to live out those desires.

Post-Palm Sunday Reflections

Palm Sunday must be important. It is one of the few events recorded in all four Gospels.

What makes it so important? It is the message Jesus is sending, which is often misunderstood and too often taught incorrectly.

The story has Jesus riding a donkey into Jerusalem. The Jesus' followers and even the crowds began cheering. They were offering up the interwoven spiritual and nationalistic cheers for this donkey riding rabbi. Luke has the Pharisees telling Jesus to quiet the crowds to which Jesus responds that even if he did, the stones would cry out.

So what's happening? Let's put the story into the context in which it occurred. First, we must remember that Jesus is Jewish. Jerusalem's people are Jewish. The religious leaders are Jewish. So it strikes me that we should look at this event through Jewish eyes to understand it (which most do not ironically).

The first mistake people make is the very reason Jesus is riding a donkey. Jesus rides the donkey NOT to be humble. On the contrary, he rides the donkey to elicit praise and adoration. From the O.T. tradition, the kings of Israel rode donkeys. Yes, Zechariah has a verse about riding the donkey in humility, but the very image of the donkey is one of kingship. So, when Jesus rides a donkey into Jerusalem, he is in fact making a startling claim: He is King and worthy of praise.

The second mistake is what this does to the crowds. They are not worshiping Jesus as the Son of God. They are adoring a challenger to Rome. In Jesus (or anyone willing to lead them), the Jews saw a possibility of overthrowing the Romans. As this young, popular leader takes the mantle of leadership/kingship by riding the donkey, the people cheer for they want the oppression, the taxation, and the humiliation of Roman occupation to end. The crowds are cheering a hero-to-be. They want a military coup, and symbolized by donkey, Jesus is a tantalizing possibility.

The third mistake is continues this same theme. The Pharisees are not asking Jesus to avoid being adored. They are begging Jesus to not rouse the attention and anger of the Romans. Potential Messiahs had come and gone...each leading failed rebellions against the Romans, and each one leaving the Jewish people in a worse position as the Roman military tightened the vice on Palestine. This is, from a historical perspective, the reason why Jesus is crucified. He was a threat to Rome. The Jewish leaders were quick to hand him over to the Romans as a peace offering. What an irony for that is exactly what he was.

What is at stake in this scene is the Kingship of Jesus. Notice that this is all the Romans are concerned with during the trial and crucifixion: "Are you the King of the Jews?"

Jesus riding the donkey made that claim, and the people spread their palms out before him. Yet, just a few days later those same people were apathetic or fleeing or even condemning Jesus to death.

I cannot hold a palm on Palm Sunday without thinking of Ash Wednesday for I see in the palm waving in my hand the sin and betrayal of Jesus I have and will commit even while I wave it in worship of Him. The tension of the Sunday is hard to hold, and maybe it helps us understand the Grace we live with...for every day we worship Jesus we also end up betraying him. It's nothing new.

Holy Week Thoughts

Today at the Men's Tuesday Morning Breakfast, we talked about Jesus in the Garden of Gathsemane (read Matthew 26:36-46 here). It takes place on Thursday of Holy Week, after the Last Supper, late in the evening.

It is such a fascinating scene. The Divine Word made flesh praying in the Garden that God's Will would be done...Why? Because, the very human Jesus does not want to endure the Cross. "If there's any other way?...But, I will do whatever you will, Father God."

It is the loneliest of scenes in all of Scripture. Yes, Jesus' friends and students all fell asleep instead of staying awake and praying for him, but I think it's more than that. On the eve of arguably Jesus' most important day, he's not so sure. The Cross is closer than ever before. The betrayal is closer than we would expect. The comfortability of the now is more tangible than ever. Today, worship, teaching, and friendship. Tomorrow, suffering, despair, and death.

Too often we dehumanize Jesus. It's actually a long standing idea: Jesus was too good, too perfect, too divine to be like us. "There's no way that Jesus got tired, smelly, irritated, cranky, angry, or even scared." Yet, the Scripture says that he was fully human. Just like us, and so he must have had the same feelings that we have.

Jesus was scared in the Garden. Reluctant to give up all the things we take for granted, I believe he knew what was coming, and he didn't want to do it. But, he did want to do what God called him to do. I think that is what I take away from the Garden: Jesus' love for God was so strong that he would do anything God called him to do...Sounds obvious! Of course Jesus would! Yet...

Often I find myself not wanting to do what I know I'm called to do: To leave the comfort of my bed at 2 a.m. to pray and talk with someone in the mist of a crisis that words cannot fix. To turn the other cheek when people are intentionally hurting me. To apologize for hurting someone else. In these moments, I hear the struggle happening in my heart: You don't want to do this...You don't HAVE to do this...You don't DESERVE this.

I'm positive that Jesus felt the same way, except those things were way more true of him!

So when I taste that moment, I know that I have tasted just a tiny speck of Jesus' night in the Garden. This helps me to understand just how unobvious the temptation really was for Jesus, how human he really was, and, ultimately, how much the Father loves you and me: He loves us enough to put Jesus through this. Enough that when Jesus begged for something different, God stuck to the plan.

In the Gardens of our lives, my prayer is that we might find the strength in our hearts to love God and follow Him...wherever the Spirit may lead.

Excerpt Regarding the Cross

The following is an exerpt from the April Newsletter...

The Cross of Jesus is about death. Scriptural claims that Jesus died as an atonement for the world’s sin. It was a substitution death. His death for our death. However, the Cross stands as a symbol of our death, too…a death to sin, a death to shame and guilt, and even a death to ourselves and our selfishness. The Cross is literally a garbage heap for all of our sin, shame, and internal “junk”. When Jesus suffered and died on the Cross, he took all of that “junk” and it died on the Cross with him. It’s sad that so often we put gold on our crosses for the Cross is ugly, horrid, and deadly. We should see it no other way. It truly is a symbol of everything ugly in humanity.

And everything beautiful about God.

Sick & Sicker

Well, the whole family is sick...Some of us have the respiratory stuff. Others of us have...well, the OTHER stuff!

I hate being sick, and I especially hate being sick to my stomach. It's funny how I haven't had "stomach flu" for years, and then we had kids. Bam! Every year now. Ugh. I wanted to commit seppuku at one point, but I think the worst is over now.

Poor Sophie was coughing so hard that she puked last night. Everywhere...Over everything...

Usually I'm the one to clean up the mess, but I had to defer to Steph. After a few failed attempts and a couple of heaves herself, I jumped into the fray, arms deep in puke and saved the night.

Moral of the story: Despite all this, I received a great treasure: A night spent on the couch holding my daughter, having her hug me and say, "You're the best daddy ever!" Despite the puke, the coughing, and the OTHER stuff, it was a precious moment.

Side note: I'm ready to not be sick.

Carl Jung & the Bible

I was looking for a quote attributed to Joseph Campbell. In reality, it was Campbell quoting Carl Jung, famous psychoanalyst. It comes from Campbell's The Power of Myth. It is so very wonderful: "Religion is a defense against religious experience."

If nothing else, that is the nugget for the day; however, in reading this article regarding an analysis of Answering Job by Jung, it dawned on me a very important point that I've always felt, but never heard articulated: The Bible must stay together, lest we turn God into a horrid beast, sub-human, something less than worthy of our worship.

Jung argues that the God of the book of Job is amazingly self-serving. God allows ha-satan, the adversary in Hebrew...something akin to " the prosecutor," to set a wager of Job's response. Jung uses the word "bamboozles." All in all, Jung, a believer in God (not necessarily the God of orthodox Christianity...but shaped by the Church and Scripture), makes some blasphemous statements...

But, I had a hard time arguing with him...I wanted to, but there are some really crazy things in that book. That got me started on the book of Joshua....more crazy things. Yet, each of these books have some beautiful things, too.

I think perhaps what Jung is pointing to is the incarnational nature of Scripture. Job was never meant to stand alone. It is a book of a community talking about suffering. Joshua was book of national identity and power. The book of Judges is about survival. The Gospels are books of hope and salvation. The Epistles are about community conduct (ironically so are Numbers, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy).

Taking a glimpse of God given to us by these inspired men and women allows us only to see in part...as St. Paul says, "We see through the mirror dimly..."

Looking at the Bible as such takes some faith because it's not neat, pretty, and concise. It takes work, hope, and faith to see the God of the Universe behind the pages, behind the stories.

It takes courage to sit through the argumentation of having a book like Ezra in the same Bible as Ruth....or the Epistle of James alongside St. Paul's writings.

Jung and Campbell are men I love to converse with (through their writings...they're both dead), and I often leave conversations with them provoked, disturbed, and questioning...

And for that I thank God for them, for their minds, and for their courage to write uncomfortable questions and thoughts...I also thank God for the Spirit giving me the courage to cling to faith and question at the same time.

Haitian Disaster

The disaster in Haiti continues even though CNN coverage wanes...

Below are a few good links relating to the disaster that might be of interest:

• Why God? - A pastor's reflections on the Why's and So What's.
• UMCOR's Work in Haiti
• A Story of Song and Hope
• The Power of Compassion - A Girl's efforts to raise money for Haiti

New Year, New Plans...New Plans!?!

I like a plan. In fact, I don't do much without a plan or an idea of what I want to accomplish/do, how I would like things to go, and about how I'm going to do it.

One of the things that I like to plan are my sermons. I usually plan them at least 6 months out. I try to be flexible, so things change along the way...But, I really like to have a "Master Plan" to guide me. It keeps me on track, accountable, and I think it adds substance to the concept that we as a church are trying to align with the vision God has given our church. Shouldn't the sermon planning augment vision goals!?!

That being said and to quote Top Gun, "I'm on vapors!" I planned to the end of 2009 with an eye to use the lectionary in January 2010. However, I am going to a few days to sit down and plan out the year.

It's more than just a sermon schedule though...To do it right (in my mind at least), it has to take into account what other teams in the church have planned....UMW, Missions, Education, etc.

So, as I meet with people this January, it becomes important for all of us to be thinking ahead and asking God what He is calling us to this New Year of 2010!

Speedlinking

Here's another set of great links to explore...

1. If the UMC really means this...wow! It sounds great. Now to implement it.
2. Kem Meyer has a good video for those skeptical of the social network media on internet. But then again, I doubt you are if you're reading this :)
3. People always scoff when I say that we MUST be working on the ethical considerations of AI. Will we enslave? Will we treat non-biologicals as equals? Partners? Will we marry them???? Oh, wait, someone's already doing that...yes, really!
4. Oh, please, God let this be the end...Unfortunately, Oprah might be just springboarding to something else.
5. The UMC is now actively engaging in a vigorous, 'grass-roots' marketing campaign. What do you think? Good idea to reach people in relevant ways? Or, missing the mark of what it means to share faith?
6. This blog by Kathy Escobar is truly an amazing blessing to me. Her passion for the Church being an authentic community of faith gives me hope when ministry isn't feeling great.
7. Seth Godin has a great post on "How to lose an online argument." Most of it applies to any discussion, yet...somehow we miss that!